Try to Quit you Baby
by daquriesRtheSH1T
Summary: She would melt the dull frost of my life and turn it into dancing flames. She would show me how to be spontaneous, and how to stand up to the man I feared most. But, most importantly, she would give me the gift of love.This is the story of me,james potter
1. summery

...:.:.:.:.:.Try to quit you Baby.:.:.:.:.:.  
  
Prologue  
  
My name is James Potter. I never really liked being on the rich side of life. It seemed to suffocate me with every breath. So many expectations were placed on me from the time I was born through my growing days. I'm expected to be a perfect gentleman. Not a normal boy, not a kid, not a person. A machine, modeled to be my father's human clone. Perfect in every way shape or from. Clean Serious, merciless, cold..... I wish nothing more than to be a normal person. To Breathe instead of just inhaling, to leap instead of walking, to feel instead of just to see. Little did I know, one day an angel in disguise would come to give me all of this. She would melt the dull frost of my life and turn it into dancing flames. She would show me how to be spontaneous, and how to stand up to the man I feared most. But, most importantly, she would give me the gift of love. This is my story. This is how the beautiful angel shown light upon my darkness, how she broke the cycle of hate, how she gave life to me and everyone she met. 


	2. Chapter 1 'Men smart, Woman smarter'

Hi, this fic (as you should know if you read the prologue) is about Lily and James. The title of the fic. Is the title of one of my favorite blues songs, therefore, I'm trying to make it to where every chapter I have an excerpt from a blues song that kind-a goes with the whole plot of that chap. The chapter titles are also the song titles (who woulda guessed? *ha.ha.*). The story is basically James recalling his life, and how much he grew and matured since Lily entered it. I hope you like it, and I'm very thankful to the people who reviewed my prologue! You might notice chapter 1 has a lot of "lets get to know what the hell is happening" also known as intro's. Well, that's because it's chapter 1, and if I didn't do the intro crap u'd be lost. *duh* So stick with me, read it, and I'm hoping that u'll like it. So. read on!  
  
...:.:.:.:.:.Try to quit you Baby.:.:.:.:.:.  
  
Chapter 1--Man Smart, Woman Smarter  
  
***** Let us put man and woman together  
  
See which one is smarter  
  
Some say men,  
  
but I say no Women got the men like a puppet show***  
  
I love the morning, It's so beautiful. I usually get up at 5 or 6  
(before everyone else). I don't wake up at an extreme hour just to see  
the friggin sunrise. I hate people who pull the sunrise crap! It's the  
feeling of the morning. It's the knowledge that everything is awaking,  
and that you are there to see it, to feel it. The feeling that for a  
few minutes everything is asleep. The partiers have come to bed and  
the slumberous have not yet woken. No matter what happens, I'll never  
forget the feeling of morning. But you probably don't care, you're  
waiting for the story of my life. You're waiting to see the plot  
unfold, to see the reason for why the hell you're even still reading  
this.. Well here it is.  
  
After being out on the window for about 10 minutes, I spotted a figure  
in the trees. Looking closer I saw a bright shade of red hair. 'Must  
be Weasley.' I thought as I recalled how nosey our new head boy  
'Author Weasley' could be. Yet looking more closely, I saw that there  
was no way this could be Author Weasley. Not unless he had grown his  
hair down, and took to wearing Hogwarts girls uniform. 'Only a lunatic  
would be out so close to the forest at 5:30am' Before I could yell to  
whoever it was I felt a pair of arms slip around my waist, with a  
whisper of "Good time last night hunh?" Taking this things arms I  
slung her off me and across the room.  
  
"What the bloody hell are you doing?"  
  
"Get out." I said starting to get annoyed. Didn't they get it? It was  
for the night. Not the night and day, not the night and a few hours,  
the night. I didn't even pull the 'I love you' crap that Sirius did.  
(I also didn't do as many as he did.) Yet they still didn't get the  
point.  
  
"Wait, what do you mean?"  
  
"mean," I said taking her clothes and arm in hand. I opened the door  
and finished my sentence. "Get out and go to your dorm." She kind of  
stood there in shock as if she didn't know I was going to use her.  
Pushing her out I said "Goodbye Mary Ann." Slamming the door, I heard  
a sleepy voice of Sirius saying  
  
"They still don't seem to get the point do they?" The stupid asshole.  
He burst out into hysterics and rolled right out of his own bed.  
Narrowing my eyes and getting ready to shoot a nasty comment at him I  
decided he actually was right, and it would not effect him, really at  
all if I told him off. So I smiled and shut up, being thankful that  
someone was even there to laugh for me, even if it was at me. *insert  
lazy smirk here*  
  
----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+-----  
----- +----------+----------+----------+----  
  
I met Brent Ramos and Preston Serpas down for breakfast that  
morning.  
  
"The ugly git. We should curse him and the rest of that  
bullshit team next match!" mumbled Brent as he gave a sideways look at  
Lucius Malfoy. Preston agreed, but I just kept eating with the 'I'm  
board and I really don't care' expression that I wore so much. Sitting  
a few seats away, Remus Lupin gave a small smirk at me and went back  
to his food. Remus and I had a strange friendship. Last year we got  
together (with Sirius, an a kid named Peter Pettigrew who always  
followed us) to make one of the most complicated potions ever. The  
potion to become animagi. We all had different reasons to do it. Peter  
wanted to be able to make it into the classrooms so he could get a  
hold without them seeing him. Sirius wanted a disguise for when he  
would go to visit his little friends in the middle of the night. And I  
wanted to help Remus. I had found out that he was a ware wolf when we  
were in 2nd year, and felt horrible about how he would have to go into  
that shack and eat himself alive. So I decided to give him some  
company. You could call it a fucking miracle that I even gave a damn  
that he was a ware wolf, let alone want to help him. I guess I just  
felt that he was friend. I felt that I needed to make sure he was ok.  
And that's how our friendship sprang. Two totally different people,  
who turned out to work pretty well together. That didn't mean we  
followed each other around everywhere. He still had his little posse  
and I still had mine.  
  
As I ate 3 of Remus' friends came and joined him. Two I knew,  
1 I didn't. Kyle Kuchler sat to the left of Remus, and Jade Pedaux to  
the right. The other girl sat across from him on my side of the table.  
About 5 minutes later Brent and Preston left to go find their  
girlfriends and I decided to join Remus. I sat In front of Remus, and  
to the left of the girl I didn't know.  
  
"Hey James, you know Jade and Kyle?"  
  
"Yes, but who is your lovely friend here?" I asked pointing to the  
girl next to me. Just because I didn't know her didn't mean I didn't  
find her attractive. In fact she was quit attractive, she had long  
reddish hair, and very pretty green eyes. Her figure was nice too, and  
even though she didn't have a huge chest, the way she seemed confident  
seemed to diminish the need for one.  
  
"Oh sorry, I thought you et her. James, this is Lily Evans. And Lily,  
this is Jame-"  
  
"I know," She said. As she turned back around and continued to talk to  
her friend. I raised my eyebrows and asked her  
  
"Just how do you know?" Looking aggravated, she turned around and  
asked "  
  
"Do you really not know? Or are you just trying to be a smartass?"  
  
"What do you mean?" I was starting to feel like Mary Ann, and I scared  
me that this girl could make me look so stupid.  
  
"I mean, you are James Potter. The ice king, the 'I'm too good 4 you',  
the 'Mr. Popular'', the 'womanizer'. Should I go on? Because I've  
heard tons of names to describe to infamous Quiddch king; Oh! There's  
another one!" She turned back around and started to pick up on her  
conversation with Jade once again, while everyone in hearing range  
just stared at he range disbelief. No one had ever actually said  
something like that to my face. No one actually made that mean of a  
comment except the Slytherins. I guess the reason why everyone looked  
so scared was because I basically had the power to make her the  
biggest outcast in the world just because of who I was. I guess they  
thought I was such a cold hearted bastard, that I would do that just  
because she had told me what she though. I wasn't going to though. No  
matter how cold and overly popular I was portrayed to other people, I  
still had feeling, and I still wasn't that mean. Jade looked at me  
with wide eyes and grabbed Lily before I could say anything else. I  
watched them exit the Great Hall wishing that I could follow along.  
Wishing, strangely enough as it is, that Lily would tell me more. That  
she would fill me in on how people really saw me. But I couldn't. It  
wasn't expected for me to. If I did someone just might have told my  
father that I was following around low class mudbloods. Needless to  
say, that would be bad.  
  
----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+-----  
----- +----------+----------+----------+----  
  
After getting my schedule, I found that several of my classes  
weren't to my liking. Last year Mackie mac mac had said, and I quote:  
"I will do anything, and I mean anything to keep you and Mr.Snape  
apart as much as I can, even if it means picking each of your  
electives." So now I'm stuck with the crappiest schedule in the world.  
None of my electives are any good or at least with my friends. Pulse,  
all of them contain teachers who have seemed to develop a grudge  
because of my small pranks over the years. Well, all actually, except  
one. The mugglestudies teacher isn't listed, and I'm sure I've never  
met him or her. Oh well, I've got it next anyways, I guess I'll find  
out.  
  
----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+----------+-----  
----- +----------+----------+----------+----  
  
So there is one good thing about 'Mugglestudies'; the pretty  
redhead sitting across from me.  
  
"So I hear you a walking thesaurus who's specialty is on James  
Potter." She lifted her head and smiled at me.  
  
"Sorry, I just don't like you." I was a little shocked at the far from  
flirtatious answer she had given me.  
  
"Well why is that? You don't even know me." She got up, put her hands  
on either side of my chair, and turned me to face her.  
  
"Please get up Mr. Potter." A little intimidated, I stood up.  
  
"Good, now please take a seat in the front, I don't trust you in the  
back.."  
  
"Just what the hell do you think your doing? You're not the teacher,  
and you will not tell me where to sit!" was outraged by now if you  
haven't gotten the point.  
  
"Sit in the front Potter." Oh God. It's Mackie Mac Mac. "She is your  
professor, and you will do what she asks when in her class." Lily just  
stood by with a self-conscious look as Mackie left the room, and I  
went to the front of the class room. She cleared her throat and began  
with  
  
"Why don't we start with the concept of 'movies'. Anyone seen one  
before?" The class politely chuckled as she went on with the lesson.  
  
At that moment I decided I would make her crack. I would break her  
emotionally. Little did I know she would come to break my emotions and  
my heart. Little did I know, she would take my heart into a bitter  
game called love that I could not quit.  
  
***** It ain't me, it's the people that say  
  
The men are leading the women astray  
  
But I say, it's the women today  
  
They're smarter than the men in every way  
  
That's right, the women are smarter  
  
That's right, the women are smarter***** 


	3. Chapter 2 'Gamblers Blues'

Heyy ya'll! Sorry it took so long for me to update. BUT this update is five pages log w/out the authors note so it should be ok. Hope you like, and review!  
  
...:.:.:.:.:.Try to quit you Baby.:.:.:.:.:..  
  
Chapter 2 - "GAMBLERS BLUES"  
  
*You know I lost all ma money,  
  
In a no good gambling game  
  
Yes I lost all ma money in a no good gamblen game  
  
Outta all ma bad luck, kept gambling just the same.*  
  
There's only one thing I hate about gambling. The smoke. Now don't get me wrong, I smoke. And yes, I know it's bad for you. So don't start bitching about that little detail because no matter how big you make the warning labels I'm still gonna smoke the little death sticks. With that understood I'd also like to say that I may smoke, but I don't like to breathe the shit.  
  
"DEALER BUST!"  
  
"Aww Shit!" Sniggering Sirius took the twenty galleons that we had been betting from Alan Gust. Blackjack is Sirius' game. He almost never busts, and rarely under scores by more than five points. Sighing, and taking a shot of whisky I let my mind wonder as Brent shuffled the cards. Remus wasn't here yet and I knew tonight wasn't a full moon.  
  
"Hey, we need seven to play 'Up the cauldron' where's your guy James?" I inhaled deeply trying to get at least a wisp of air and said  
  
"he'll be here, I told him eight thirty by accident." That was a lie, I told him seven forty five and the bastard better show up. I hate covering for people. Hell Remus probably didn't even know how to play cards. I just invited him to be kind. Truth be told he's a really nice guy, prefect and all.  
  
"Well damn James, we've only been doing Saturday night games since third year. So I guess I can see why you would tell someone the wrong time. I mean two whole freakin years is hardly enough to memorize the time at which we meet." Did I mention that my good old friend Sirius is not the dumbass people presume him to be? He can actually accidentally drop his act and be his normal intelligent self.  
  
"Sorry I'm late! Don't wail on James! It's my fault!" Remus burst through the door. Mounties to the rescue.  
  
"Damnd straight it's your fault.." Mumbled Cade Buuke, and I shot him a warning glance. The guy didn't really like Remus that much. Their were certain cliques at Hogwarts not matter if the teachers wanted to admit it or not. We were the 'elite' group. Remus was more of the leader of the 'Hippies'. They weren't druggies, but they were those laid back kind of people. Those people who preached:  
  
"Do you know how much these trees have done for you?! Do you know what your eating on?! TREES! YOUR EATING ON TREES! But noooo you can't appreciate the trees! God forbid you THANK THEM!..." Cade hates trees. (he had run-in with the womping willow two years ago) And even though Remus has never that I know of said anything awe inspiring about trees, some of his people have. Therefore Cade hates Remus because Cade hates trees. I tell you, some people really have got some issues.  
  
"Can we just get the game started?"  
  
"Amen!" screamed Sirius as he started to deal. "The game's down the graveyard ladies. Five card straights win, no cauldrons, no Rulers, and No count em' NO pretty bitches." Let take a minute to explain. The wizard's card deck is similar to the muggle ones. (The only reason I know this is because Sirius actually collects decks.) There's all the basics. Ones, deuces, threes, all the way up to ten.  
  
Then it get kind of tricky. The muggle "Jack" is a wizarding "Elf" and instead of being worth ten points it's worth twenty.  
  
Then there's the muggle "Queen". The wizaring "queen" is a very lovely looking witch. Which is why Sirius calls the "Pretty bitches". They are also worth twenty.  
  
Next is the "rulers" which is the equivalent to the muggle "King". Those are worth fifteen.  
  
And last there's cauldrons, those are "aces" but they're worth thirty.  
  
* * *  
  
After almost loosing all the spending money my father had sent me for this month; I decided to kick back and do some watching instead of contributing to my friends wallets.  
  
"Pass me a beer enh James?" Asked Preston, who was still staring hard at his cards like that would make them change.  
  
"Sure." I reached over behind me and saw that the classroom clock read three twenty am. "Uggh, I think we should turn in after Sirius and Remus are done battling it to the death." They all mumbled in agreement as I passed Preston a lite beer. We never got drunk at card games. It was a rule we had made the first year we started.  
  
Mainly because this time wasn't meant for our drugs. This time was meant to be friend time. Smoking and drinking a little was just something all seven of us did. excluding Remus, he hadn't picked up a butt all night, but he sure as hell was knocking back the liquor. Damn that boy could hold his liquor.  
  
"Holy shit." Cade's whisper was barely heard but understood emmiadatly. Remus had actually won the game. Sirius and everyone else's mouth was hanging open as we stared at the winning hand. Remus kind of shrunk back into his seat self-consciously as Sirius began to talk out the game to himself. Blackjack may be Sirius' game but down the graveyard was his bitch. Every time it was Sirius' turn to pick the game we all knew to not bet too much because he was the master at it. But now, this-this new guy to card night, -who I knew all of them were going to tell me not to bring back after Sirius whipped the floor with him- had just BEAT SIRIUS BLACK.  
  
"Umm.." Remus was beginning to sweat even more than the rest of us. I mean the room was hot but this kid just looked plain nervous. "I gotta go." He got up at the speed of light and shot out the room down the hall. Not even caring to be careful I got right up, and went after him.  
  
"Remus! Remus wait up!" I must have forgotten that it was THREE SOMETHING IN THE MORNING, and that we were suppose to be in the tower FOUR HOURS AGO. Because I was yelling like it was three in the afternoon instead. Maybe the smoke had gotten to me?  
  
"What?" He turned around and the light from the crescent moon shown into his face.  
  
"It's ok that you won you know? I mean we're not going to beat you up. It's just a little.shocking." He let out a sarcastic bark of laughter and I blinked trying to focus on what he was about to say. Okay, maybe I was a little drunk. We all break the rules, that's what they're there for.  
  
"James, the last thing I'm scared of is your posse beating me up."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
"I-I-haveagamblingproblem." Closeing my eyes for a really long blink I looked at him and scratched my head in confusion.  
  
"Wha??"  
  
"I SAID. I have a gambling problem. I kind of. know how to hustle the cards."  
  
"Aww-some." Ok, now I know I was drunk. I do not say 'awww-some.'.  
  
"No James, not awesome. Bummer would be the word used here." He walked over to a bench that set in front a particular huge court yard window. Sitting next to him I asked  
  
"So how'd you learn?"  
  
"Me Granddad. He used to have me hustle at the parks so he'd have some extra money for cigs. Pretty ingénues plan if you ask me. I mean no one really suspected that a six year old could beat them." Nodding my head, I stared out the window taking in the night. It would be sunrise in a few hours, maybe I should just stay up.  
  
* * *  
  
"Wake up!" If who ever it was didn't stop shaking me I would wake them up even more then they were already.  
  
"Hello?? Are you deaf?" Inching open my eyes I saw a blurry virsion of a girls Hogwarts uniform.  
  
"What time is it..?"  
  
"Six, and if you don't get up and get cleaned up McGonagall is going to find your sorry ass and smell the liquor on you. You wouldn't want that to happen now would you?" Why yes. That was the whole purpose of me being here, where ever here is. I was out to get screamed at for downing too much alcohol and be put on probation. It was my pan all along. Dun fucking dun dunnn.  
  
"No." I felt whoever it was lift my head up and look at me. God her hands felt nice, all cold but warm at the same time. I hoped she wouldn't let go.  
  
"You a mess Potter. Who the hell did you fight with?" Well THAT must explain whymy head hurt so bad. A fight. I must have gotten in a fight. Shame I couldn't remember who won, damn. "Come on.." she (whoever she was) slipped her arm under mine and began to pull me up with my help. We walked for quite awhile until we came to a room that smelled kind of like a loo. She leaned me down to the hard ground and I heard water.  
  
"Uggh. What day is it? Where am i? Shit, who am i?" I finally opened my eyes and saw the last person I thought I would. Lily Evans. She crouched by me with a wet rage and smiled.  
  
"Today, is Sunday, your in the girls loo, and you kind at the moment sir are James Potter."  
  
"Ahh, and why are you kind miss talking to me? I thought you hated me for no apparent reason at all?" She smiled again as she pressed the cool rag to my left eye.  
  
"Well, I was taking my morning jog and I saw you laying in the middle of the court yard. So I went over and saw it was YOU not just some person. At first I wasn't going to help, but I came to find that I don't hate you at all when your so post smashed and beaten up that you can't talk or hum or move.."  
  
"Well gee, thanks. I'll try and imitate a rock more often so you'll like me." That smile came up again and I actually considered becoming a rock just so she would stay here and smile at me.  
  
"Well, I see your getting that famous wit back."  
  
"Only for you darling."  
  
"Don't call me darling."  
  
"Alright. Just as long as you don't call me Windex." "Why Windex?"  
  
"Dunno, saw the stuff at a muggle shop once. Sirius sprayed it all over me. Hate the stuff."  
  
"Ohh. Well," She sighed as she began to stand. "I've got to be going."  
  
"Why so?"  
  
"Because, if I stay any longer I fear I might start to not hate you when your in actual person mode."  
  
"I see, is that such a bad thing Tellie?"  
  
"Tellie? Why did you call me tellie?"  
  
"Dunno, saw it in a muggle shop once and I loved it."  
  
"Oh, well sorry milkshake, but I think it might just be."  
  
"Be?"  
  
"Yes, be-a bad thing."  
  
"Oh, well why milkshake?"  
  
"Because," She said smiling down at me, " They're quite a nice and sweet treat to have to eat. But if you eat too many they'll make you sick." She walked out the door and this time I was smiling. She thought I was a milkshake -whatever that was-. Not quite as good as a tellie, but hell, she thought I was a milkshake.  
  
*now We loose dat no good money  
  
set around wit your head hung down  
  
Yea when you loose dat no good money  
  
You set round wit your head hung down,  
  
Wake up da next morning happy,  
  
Higher than the best gambler in dis town.*  
  
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`  
  
Hope you liked it. If you want to download the song it's by "Lightnin' Hopkins" OKAY, see ya'll later. And PLZ REVIEW. 


	4. Chapter 3 'Morning After'

...:.:.:.:.:.Try to quit you Baby.:.:.:.:.:..  
  
Chapter 3- "Morning After"  
  
*So sick last night, I didn't hardly know my mind  
  
So sick last night, I didn't know my mind  
  
I had a drink of bad licker, almost made me blind*  
  
"Hey Sirius!" I yelled as I walked down to the quiddich field. It was about four in the afternoon and I only just woke up. He turned around, waved, went to walk towards me and ended up tripping on his own feet and rolling down the hill. The fool.  
  
"Aey mate, eh, is it just me or am I upside down?"  
  
"Bloody hell." It wasn't an outraged scream, more of like I was stating a shocked fact. "Your still drunk!" He smiled goofy, and slapped his hand in the air.  
  
"Do be silly, I'm only slightly intoxicated. Just enough to not have a hang over. Hate the bloody things, how about you? Enh? You look like shit mate." I sighed and sat down next to him. (he was laying upside down from the fall)  
  
"I don't know, I woke up this morning and had no idea where, who, or what was happening or happened. And," I pointed to my face, "I got this, don't know how, but I got it."  
  
"Oh! Well that's easy, I punched you." Sirius smiled and looked around like he was a three year old that had just spelled the word 'orange'. On the other hand, my jaw dropped. Causing me quite a lot of pain mind you.  
  
"Why the shit did you do that!?" He shrugged and said  
  
"Because you wanted to fight. You said 'Come on you stupid little elf! I'll stomp out your Christmas trees! To be quite honest I think you were a little drunk too mate, I mean Elves? Really, that's strange. Now if you had said turtles, then I would have known what you were talking about."  
  
"Turtles?" Sirius jumped up fast  
  
"You saw them too?! The stupid bastards! I knew I wasn't the only one who wasn't so smashed he was seeing things! Good thing we were sobered mate, or we wouldn't have seen who took my wallet! I watched em' I swear, I told them not to but they said they'd wax me if I told anyone. Damn turtles, nothing but a bunch or mutant ninjas is what they are!"  
  
* * * "Ok, now the thing about television is that there are so many options to it." Lily could make any Monday seem fun. Not just because she was Lily, but because she was such a good teacher too. It was truly ingenious for them to let her teach this,. Not only did she already know the subject, but students tend to listen to other students more than teachers. Matt Lanks told me that last years class was boring as a used pencil.  
  
"The television or 'T.V.' that the school has supplied us with has no channels since we are so far out into the country. BUT it does have a Video recording System or 'VCR' in it so we will be watching movis as soon as they are owled to me." Every one nodded in excitement. I myself have never seen a muggle movie and think it might be quite interesting.  
  
*Bing, Bing, Bing,*  
  
The bell rang and everyone started filing out of the classroom on to last period. Lily was at he desk locking it up and picking up her own class books. There were tons of them, no way was this girl able to take that many classes.  
  
"Can I get that for you?" I asked, pointing at the books that weren't going to fit into her messenger bag. She smiled and asked  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Well, where are you going?"  
  
"East tower, DADA,"  
  
"Well then, I guess we're going the same way. Would you like to break you arms Madame, or should I get those?" -My next class was all the way over on the other side of the castle by the way- She smiled and nodded to the books as if to say 'Be my guest.' . I picked them up and began walking with her over to the East tower.  
  
"How many classes are you taking?! No way is this only six classes worth."  
  
"Heh, well your right. It's ten classes worth."  
  
"Good God girl, your almost made me drop the books when you said ten. Do tell me that your playing,"  
  
"No, in fact I'm quite serious. You see, I have to take a make up coarse for the one I miss teaching you all, So that's the seventh book. Then there's the fact that I take two extra classes. And finally there's my remedial class."  
  
"Oh, you teach remedials?"  
  
"No, I take one though," She smiled as I felt my jaw drop.  
  
"YOU take a dumb person class?" The smile vanished and her expression grew solemn.  
  
"James, remedials aren't for dumb people. People are just that, people. Were not super humans or all ingenious. We have faults, each and every one of us, and that's what makes life so beautiful. One of my faults just so happens to be Herbology. But I know that, and I'm doing all the work I can to fix it. You see, the people in the remedials aren't the dumb ones James, It's the people who are barely passing and have too much pride to educate themselves that are dumb."  
  
I nodded at the deepness in her voice as if I understood. I didn't though, my father had told me when I went into Hogwarts that if I had to take one single remedial he would single handedly kill me himself.  
  
"Well we're here, thank you for carrying my load. Funny how time flys when your talking isn't it?"  
  
"No, it's not that funny, actually I don't think it's comical at all."  
  
"No James," Lily rolled her eyes at me and said "I mean funny like strange, not funny like 'Oh My God! That was so funny that I'm rolling on the ground with bamboo shoots growing out my arse laughing like a Monkey on speed." I tell you, I may like the girl but she sure has got a strange sense of humor that one does.. Sighing I waved good by and made my long walk back to the other side of the castle.  
  
It's turning winter and the days are getting shorter. The animals are getting ready to hibernate, and my life is taking some turns. I feel the road curving underneath me. The question is, How fast will the turn be? And how long is it going to take for the road to straighten again?  
  
*I had a dream, I thought I was in hell  
  
Yeah I had a dream, thought I was in hell  
  
But baby when I looked around, your mouth was open like a well* 


	5. Chapter 4 'Stillness of Heart'

...:.:.:.:.:.Try to quit you Baby.:.:.:.:.:..  
  
Chapter 4- "Stillness of Heart"  
  
*I got more than I can eat  
  
A life that can't be beat  
  
Yet still I feel this heat  
  
I'm feeling incomplete  
  
What am I buying?  
  
My soul is crying *  
  
Father sent me a letter today. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. Basically he went on and on about how I'd better not be hanging around some mud- blood, and if he hears about it again I'll wish I were never born. Funny how the first thought in my mind was to write a letter back saying 'you can kiss my white ass.' normally I'd be shaking in fear of him. Of coarse Sirius was near by and happened to mention that it wouldn't make things better to write that reply. So I just wrote back 'Yes, father. I understand, and I am deeply sorry for my error. Please do not take this small detour in judgment, on my part, against me.' I feel like such a fake. I almost ripped the letter into shreds when I was putting it on my owl. I'm sick of life as usual. There's so much negativity. I've been ready to take a long vacation and meditate my ass back to harmony. But, unfortunately that won't be happening anytime soon. "Are you coming or not?" Looking at Sirius I realized I must have been spacing out. "Uhh, yea. I'll meet you there..." Shrugging, Sirius took off for the Quiddich field. I don't feel like going to quiddich just yet. I don't feel like sweating to death- in the cold. No, that's quite all right, I think I'll just take a stroll. So now that's what I'm doing. I know it seems like this story is going nowhere, but honestly that's how life feels right now. Nowhere is my destination it seems. Yet, somehow my little stroll led me straight to the Muggle studies classroom, and without even heeding my father's word I walked in.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Well, not the welcome I was expecting but it'll do.  
  
"I'm standing in the door way looking at you." Lily rolled her eyes at my attempt to be cool comment. I must admit that was pretty lame. Sighing tiredly I just told her the truth. "I'm avoiding quiddich practice." Nodding and now smiling Lily raised he eyebrows  
  
"Now see. Isn't it so much quicker to get to the point then dance around it like you always do Mr. Potter?"  
  
"Why are you calling me 'Mr. Potter' ?" "Because, that's how I am suppose to address you in the classroom." Oh give it a break. My eyes unconsciously trailed down her body and when I looked back at her face I couldn't help but smile at the blush I found there. Lily is such a pure/hippie-sh nut. I have no idea how I even came to be attracted to this tease; then again, I guess it's because I'm a teaser.  
  
"So, would you like to go to the formal with me?" Lily's head snapped up in surprise. Ahh, another involuntary action on my part. When will I stop saying what's on my mind?  
  
"Umm, Ja- James. Umm.."  
  
"No worries." I said, cutting her off. "Just a thought. I've got to be going to practice." Before she could say anymore to protest I was out the room down the hall. Something very strange was floating around in the pit of my stomach. Something foreign and terrible. Hurt.  
  
* * *  
  
I kind of avoided Lily for the rest of the weekend, let's just say it's my way of, ah, dealing with rejection. Of coarse I could be way worse off. I could be one of those people who asks someone out then has no back up. I on the other hand I had about 50 backups. So why am I being such a pussy about it? Why am I sitting in my room (right now) moping about the fact that in three hours after Transfiguration I am going to have to go to Muggle studies. Sighing as Remus walked into the room I put a pillow on my head. Just maybe I can pretend not to be real and he won't notice the other 120lbs of my body sticking out from under the pillow.  
  
"James, are you trying to suffocate yourself? Or are you just hung over?" No such luck. The other 120lbs seems to have been spotted. Taking the pillow off my head but not bothering to get up I mumbled  
  
"I'm slowing but surely transforming into a chameleon and blending in with the bed."  
  
"Ah, well in that case I suppose you wouldn't like to be told that first block starts in seven minutes."  
  
"No Remus. No I wouldn't."  
  
* * *  
  
Stupid mutha- ER friggin frackin bitch. I swear this school is ridicules. You skip out and by the end of first block they hunt you down. Just my luck Mackie mac mac found me RIGHT before muggle studies and pulled my ass out of bed. Screaming and all. I even told her  
  
'You know, screaming and all like that isn't good for your health Mackie.' The bitch. She had nerve enough to say to me  
  
'POTTER! I do not even know WHY you were put in this house! For once in my life I think the sorting had made a VERY big mistake. Also, the name is McGonagall to you!'  
  
Well, McGonagall. Thank you very much. Now I have to go to muggle studies. Great, just great. I finally made it to the classroom and walked in the door just as the tardy bell rang. Taking my seat I made sure not to look at Lily at all, and to keep my face as neutral and cold as I could.  
  
"All right. Well, you all will be pleased to know that the movies have come in." The class began to cheer and a smile played on Lily's face. "Ok, ok, calm down. Now, the first movie we'll be watching is Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's quite hilarious, and I must say, my favorite." The class was cheering again. That is until she said the next bit. "BUT you all will have to write me up a 12inch roll of parchment on the movie. What you liked/disliked, did you think it was funny, and would you ever take time out of your schedule to see it live." The class kind of did the sad 'aww' thing until Lily shushed them and popped the tape in.  
  
The lights went out and I put my head down. No way was I gonna watch this stupid movie. Not when I felt this bad. Not when no matter how had I tried to push it down my hurt feeling kept roaring up into my face.  
  
*All that I want is  
  
Stillness of heart  
  
So I can start  
  
To find my way  
  
Out of the dark  
  
And into your heart* 


	6. Chapter 5 'Mean Red Spider'

.:.:.:.:.:.:..Try to Quit You Baby..:.:.:.:.:.:..  
  
Chapter 5: 'Mean Red Spider'  
  
"I got a mean red spider, and she been webbin' all over town I got a mean red spider, and she been webbin' all over town I'm gonna get me a mean black spider, so I can tear her cobweb down"  
  
~ : ~ : ~  
  
"You look pissed." Said Sirius when sat down next to him,  
  
"Yeah, why aren't you over there with the tree huggers like you've been all week?" Asked Cade as he pulled a face, as if to show even mentioning them in a politically incorrect way brought him that much annoyance. I rolled my eyes and didn't even answer. I didn't have the patience to deal with these idiots, besides if I told them the reason I'd be laughed out of the great hall.  
  
"Think I should take Park to the Formal?" Sirius asked as he twirled the pasta in his plate. The formal was in one week and I had yet to even think of another person to ask, maybe I just wouldn't go at all.  
  
"She's a Hufflepuff." Alan Gust offered as he took a chicken leg off one of the many lunch plates. Sirius shrugged as if to say 'True.' And stood, pushing his pate towards the middle of the table as the food and plate disappeared.  
  
"Where are you going?" I said.  
  
"To cancel with Park..." He walked off and I couldn't help but feel sick with the way he was acting. Just because this girl was a Hufflepuff and Alan thought Hufflepuffs were pushovers Sirius was going to dump her. What idiots, I didn't want to even be near them anymore. I took my books and left the table without another word, as if they'd even notice I was gone...  
  
* * *  
  
The court yard trees swayed in the fall breeze and golden brown leaves tossed around on the pavement as I sat on one of the concrete benches. I was glad to be out the great hall, for some reason right then my 'friends' just seemed so cheap to me. Like a bunch of fakes, but then again that is what they are... that's what I am.  
  
"James? Mind if I sit?" I lifted my head up to see Lily standing in front of me holding a few of her text books. Her hair was fluffy looking and eyes stood out nicely against all the fall colors around us.  
  
"Sure, go ahead." I scooted over and she sat on the bench, putting her books on her lap. We sat in silence for a minute or two. Lily looked nervous, and I was too preoccupied running over my own thoughts of what a fake I was to even remember that I was sitting next to the girl that I had embarrassed myself in front of.  
  
"James, why did you ask me to the formal?" I closed my eyes as the question drifted it's meaning through my mind. Why did I ask her? The girl had told me she hated me less than and hour after I first met her and I still was stupid enough to ask her to a dance. The only means of explanation is that I was just drawn, for once more mentally than physically. She was pretty, no doubt, but she had something in her that I had sensed, something that makes me want to know and feel more. It was silly though, no one in real life feels this way this fast, it's probably just hormones or just me subconsciously looking to piss off my father. "James?" She asked again.  
  
"I don't know Lily, does it matter? You said no, it's over and it's fine." Her eye brows rose.  
  
"I didn't say no, I said 'Umm' and you cut me off." Whoa, what was that? Was that a 'I didn't say no, James.' ? I believe it was... A smile creeps on to my face as I turn towards her.  
  
"So is it no or yes?" Lily looked me strait in the face and asked  
  
"Do you want it to be yes, or was it just a spur of the moment question?"  
  
"Oh, I very much would like the answer to be yes." I said turning on my charm switch- it couldn't hurt. She sighed and a 'here we go' smile tugged at her lips. It looked like she was fighting some inner battle, 'hate him, or date him?'.  
  
"All right, yes, I'll go to the formal with you James." I grinned; this was not something I was expecting to happen today. Not too often do things that I consider 'good' happen in my days. Lily rolled her eyes and got up, walking back towards the Great Hall and trying not to look happy. I may not have known her for that long, but I did know the last thing Lily Evans was going to do was go back and tell all of her friends. More likely, she would just quietly shop for a dress, show up at the formal, and shock the hell out of everyone. What a girl.  
  
* * *  
  
"Evens? The teacher girl?" Sirius' face looked pale.  
  
"Yes, 'the teacher girl'" I said to him as I watched for the snitch.  
  
"You're crazy." He said as he beat a rather fast bludger away just before it slammed into my head. "She's a hippie James, she's a student teacher, and she's a muggle born. Your father will murder you!"  
  
"You know Sirius, sometimes, I'll be sitting next to you and I'll look at your face and this utter calmness just washes over me as I wonder to myself 'why don't I kill him? Why don't I just murder him?'"  
  
"Ummm, is that a threat?"  
  
"No Sirius," I said as I leaned down ready to scoop up the snitch which I just saw flutter through some near by tree branches. "It's a thought of mine, and I'm giving it to you to show how much I appreciate your friendship." I flew down and Sirius' face screwed up after a minute or two when he understood what I had just told him.  
  
"HEY!" He screamed as a bludger flew past him and spun him around, "Hey! That wasn't nice! That wasn't nice at all!" Grasping my hand around the small golden sphere I turned around to face him and grinned in my evil little way.  
  
"No, it wasn't . But there is a bludger flying at your head right now."  
  
"Where?" He asked, and then the bludger hit him square in the back knocking him straight down to the ground.  
  
"Oh sorry Sirius! I should have just yelled 'behind you!', but you know, I was too busy trying to figure out how to tell you in a nice way that a 25 pound ball was flying towards your head." I shouted, to which the only reply I received was a rather discourteous hand motion from Sirius who was about seven yards below on the muddy grass.  
  
~ : ~ : ~  
  
"If I don't go crazy, I will surely lose my mind Well you know if I don't go crazy, I will surely lose my mind That's jus' a mean red spider, and she jus' bother me all the time" 


End file.
